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Avoiding the Temptation to Overindulge: One common problem that single mothers face is the temptation to overindulge their children out of guilt and worry about the fact that there's no father in their life. This temptation is often sub-conscious, but it's a pervasive problem with single parents, both men and women. Somehow, we feel that we can make up for the lack of a parent by providing material things. But, it doesn't work, and there are two things you have to realize. *Not having a father is a loss - No matter how you sugarcoat it, your child has a loss in his life if he doesn't have a father. You can't change that, and no amount of toys will make up for it. This doesn't mean that your child can't be happy and well adjusted. We all suffer loss, and we can overcome it and lead happy and successful lives. But, you have to realize that you can't take away this loss. *You're creating an unhealthy dependence on "things" - Overindulging your child can make them put an abnormal importance on material items. When children begin to value things more than people, their life is forever skewed- and they will live in pursuit of more and better things in their lives. This is a hole that can never be filled. Give your children an over abundance of love and an empathy toward other people. Teach them to earn their material things; they'll be much prouder of them. We all want to give our children the best that we can, but we have to know where to draw the line when it comes to material things. Take a hard look at your attitude and your actions in this regard. The values and ethics of your children depend on it.
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When It's Time for That First Date So, you've found someone you'd really like to go out with. It may have been awhile since you've dated, so here are some tips to get you back in the groove. *Meet in public - I said this before, but it bears repeating. Regardless of how you met, it's best to arrange to meet somewhere for the first date. First of all it's safer; because you have your own vehicle and your date doesn't have your address. It also makes it much easier to leave if you're not having a good time. *Keep it short - I don't recommend making plans to spend a long time together if you've never met until this date. Just arrange to go have a drink. If you have a great time, you can agree to extend the evening, or see each other again soon. *Do something active- Dinner and a movie might not be the best way to get acquainted. Consider something like going on a bike ride or attending an outdoor festival. Being involved in an activity together often makes the conversation flow more easily. *Don't waste your time- If it's clear that there's no chemistry; don't try to create it. It's better to acknowledge that the romance will never be there than to force something that isn't genuine. You might, however, find that you've just made a great platonic friend. *Don't spend all your time talking about your children - This guy is going out with you- not your kids. So, while it's fine to be proud that you're a mom and proud of your children; this time is about two adults getting to know each other. *Don't be needy - Nothing turns off a man like a needy woman who appears to be looking for someone to take care of her and her kids. It's important to appear confident and unconcerned about whether this particular date works or not. Be nice, be yourself, but don't be desperate.
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2 How single parenting is different: I know, this seems pretty obvious. Single parenting is different because there's only one of you. But, it goes deeper than that. There are many things that you'll need to be prepared for as you parent alone. How You View Your Status: Your own feelings about being single will have a powerful impact on how you handle your new challenge. I encourage you to sit down and make the ever popular "pros and cons" list about your status as a single parent. It's important to understand and acknowledge the things about being a single parent that you're fearful of and that you just plain don't like. Spend some time considering how you'll deal with the things that will be difficult, like not having someone else to help with homework, household chores and making parenting decisions. Once you've given some thought to how you'll handle the "cons" on your list and you've acknowledged the parts of single parenting that you don't relish, take a stab at that "pros" list. No one to disagree with about how to handle a situation. Having your kids all to yourself. Revel in the good aspects of being a single mother. Your outlook on your status will project onto others - especially your children. If you're ashamed of being a single parent, if you believe that you lack the skills to do the job, if you're resentful of having to parent alone -other people, including your children will pick up on that. Other parents may judge you as less competent simply because of the negative vibe you give off. Your children may feel apprehensive because of your attitude. On the other hand, if you are confident about your abilities and comfortable - even happy - with being a single mom, this attitude will radiate. You'll immediately appear to be a more confident and competent parent. Dwell on the idea of being a mother - not on the challenge of doing it alone. Your positive attitude will make other parents respect you and make your children secure in the knowledge that they're well taken care of.
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When You're Ready to Get Back Into Dating Many single parents believe that they'll never be able to find the time to begin dating again. Plus, they often feel that even if they did find the time for dating, it's not likely that a man would be interested in a woman with children. But, the world has definitely changed. With 60% of marriages today ending in divorce and more and more women choosing to have children alone; single parents abound, so there are plenty of men who are more than happy to date a woman with children. In fact, it's quite likely that one or more of your suitors will be single parents. You may also be concerned about how you'll be able to meet men. Well, there are plenty of places to meet men, and it doesn't require hours at the local singles bars with your girlfriends. You can meet single men in a wide variety of places- places you're already going. Let's take a look at some of the most common places to meet potential dates. *Your Child's School - Take a look around for dads who come alone to school functions or who are always the ones to pick up their kids. Particularly if you see a dad who always picks up on alternate Friday's, he's likely divorced. It will be easy to strike up a conversation with such a man; the two of you immediately have something in common. *Church - If you attend church regularly, you'll find that it offers a great opportunity to meet single men of your faith. If your church has a singles Sunday school class or organization, so much the better. Take every opportunity to attend social functions and meet people at church. You'll likely be able to meet some male and female friends. *Work - A large number of today's married couples met at work. You must be cautious about dating at work. First, be sure that your company doesn't have a policy that prohibits coworker dating. Secondly, don't even think about dating your boss or someone who reports to you. And thirdly, it's wise not to date someone with whom you work closely. Before you jump in, you should consider how awkward the situation at work might be if you date for a while, but then it doesn't work out. *Out and About - Keep a smile on your face as you're out and about. If you look friendly and approachable, you'll find it easier to strike up conversations with people. *Friend Fix-ups - No doubt you've got some friends who are dying to fix you up with someone. Take them up on it! What have you got to lose? I've known quite a few marriages that resulted from blind dates set up by mutual friends.
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